Surviving Your Partner

Becoming a single parent

If your partner has died young the chances are that after the death you will be left with children to bring up on your own. They may be any combination of children you had in your relationship with your deceased partner, your children from a previous relationship and/or your partner's children from a previous relationship.

However your joint parental responsibility came about, when the partner with whom you were sharing the parenting dies you become a single parent and from the very first you will find yourself facing alone the situations and decisions that you used to share.

EXPLAINING THE SITUATION

The first hurdle will be explaining to the children what has happened, what is happening and what is going to happen in the near future. However frightening it is for them, shutting them out will only make things worse.

But explanations must take into account what the children can understand about death and this depends very much on their age and their previous experience.

A SUMMARY OF 'BECOMING A SINGLE PARENT'

1. Children of different ages will have different reactions to the death of a parent.
2. Children will often show symptoms of disturbance and insecurity as part of their grieving process.
3. As far as possible children should be included in the funeral and other arrangements after the death.
4. Children should be told the truth about a parent's death.
5. Single parents don't have to struggle along without support and help.
6. Single parents should look after themselves as well as their children.

DISCUSSION POINTS OF 'BECOMING A SINGLE PARENT'

The discussion points at the end of each chapter aim to help you to relate the subject matter to your own circumstances. Suggested ways of approaching the issues are given in a separate section at the end of the book.

1. Is it fair to try to make a child understand that a dead parent will never come back again?
2. Should a single parent try to find a partner as soon as possible?
3. Is it fair for single parents to think about having a social life of their own?

Please note: These are extracts taken from the book, 'Surviving Your Partner'. If you would like to buy the book please click here