Surviving Your Partner

Remembering

LIVING WITH YOUR MEMORIES

As time goes by it will become obvious that the people around you expect you to banish your memories of your dead partner, as part of the process of "getting over it". For a while friends will be sympathetic, they will try to make life easier for you and be prepared to listen when you want to talk about your partner. But before long you will become aware that they are listening with slightly fixed, polite little smiles and you will know it is time to keep your thoughts to yourself.

Many people believe that the main objective of the bereaved is to forget about the person who has died. Time, they think, heals all things. They have heard it said so often that it must be true and there is no reason for them to know any better.

The reality is that time is not so forgiving. It only allows you to get used to all things. You may be able to get along with your grief at losing your partner, you may grow away from what you were when you shared your life and begin a satisfactory new life for yourself, but you will never forget. You will always remember how it was and what you had together. And that's the way you will want it.

A SUMMARY OF 'REMEMBERING'

1. People will expect you to want to forget about your dead partner.
2. Your memories will always be important to you.
3. Some people need to keep their memories at bay.
4. There are many different kinds of formal memorial.
5. Many people decide to keep their memorials informal and private.

DISCUSSION POINTS OF 'REMEMBERING'

The discussion points at the end of each chapter aim to help you to relate the subject matter to your own circumstances. Suggested ways of approaching the issues are given in a separate section at the end of the book.

1. How would you react to a friend who constantly wants to talk about a dead partner?
2. How would you cope with unwelcome memories?
3. What kind of memorial would you like for yourself after you have gone?

Please note: These are extracts taken from the book, 'Surviving Your Partner'. If you would like to buy the book please click here