SURVIVING YOUR PARTNER

Living with the death of the person closest to you

"This book gives the bereaved hope and empowerment" George Penaluna

Losing your life's partner is a devastating experience. Whether the partnership was long and the surviving partner is well into old age, or whether it was relatively short and the survivor has much of his or her life still ahead, the emotional and practical problems are enormous. Not only is there bereavement and all its associated problems to face, there is also the prospect of becoming single again.

This book addresses and analyses those problems and provides strategies to help the survivor to move on in a life that must, or necessity, be changed for ever. Sylvia Murphy, BA MPhil has worked for a bereavement charity and has been a writer and teacher for 20 years. She has first hand experi­ence of losing her own partner in tragic circumstances, which enables her to bring a unique insight to the pages of this book.

RRP £5.99 + £2.00 p&p

Preface

Numerous books have been written by people whose partners have died, telling how it was for them and how they survived, all of them well worth reading. However, little is written about the practicalities of how to survive the terrible situation you find yourself in, and where you can get help other than counselling and support groups. That is what this book aims to do.

I wish it had been to hand when I was first stumbling around trying to deal with my life after my partner died. I had to be told by an official dealing with something quite different that I could apply for a widow's pension and death grant. Heaven knows what other help I missed out on through ignorance.

If you are one of those people who does not want to bring changes into their new life alone - and there are many who choose that path - this book is not for you. It is for those who want to know that they have a future apart from being "poor so-and-so whose partner died", and who will welcome a few suggestions as to how to take some positive steps towards that future.

Sylvia Murphy

Forward to Second Edition

"Loneliness after loss is a bitter and unproductive fruit that generally has to be eaten, skin, stone and all.”*

These are bleak words which will be fully understood by those who have lost their life partner. They are words which made me realise that the grief and pain I felt following my wife's death from cancer, aged 47, was not unique. I was not alone. I was not, `not coping'. I was going through the bereavement process, as others had done before me. Traumatic, shocking. Something that nothing in life can prepare you for. A journey that has to be made alone, by experiencing it for yourself.

To survive I needed to understand that the emotions, fears and anxieties were a normal part of the journey. What I needed was a guide to help me travel through this terrifying and unfamiliar land. The first edition of this book was my guide. Helping me along the way. Ten concise chapters each dealing with specific aspects of loss, moving through the practical and emotional stages of bereavement.

I lent my copy of the book to a number of friends who also found it very useful. Several wanted to buy their own copy. Although it was only a couple of years old, sadly it was already out of print. I contacted the author, Sylvia Murphy, and asked about getting it reprinted. She suggested an up-dated edition.

This is it. It has straightforward information; no-nonsense descriptions of the rollercoaster-ride of emotions and practical self­ help ideas that fit a wide range of situations. Younger widows with children, older people left alone and same-sex partnerships. Through its clarity, simplicity and honesty I feel this book is a must for everyone who has lost their partner. It helped me to cope and move forward. Nothing and no-one can ever replace the one we have lost, but this book gives the bereaved hope and empowerment. Our loved ones would surely want us to be whole again.

It will take time, probably several years, but let this book help you rebuild your life. And be fully alive once more.

George Penaluna 2005

*From an entry on bereavement by Margery Still in "Quaker faith and practice", published by Britain Yearly Meeting and available from The Quaker Bookshop, Tel: 020 7633 1030.

REVIEWS

Funeral Services Journal (May 2000)
Reviewed by The Editor

This 112-page booklet is classified as General Reference and joins over 200 books in the 'How to' series. The author, an administrator for a bereavement counselling charity who lost her partner through tragic circumstances, has also written Dealing with a Death in the Family in the same series. The book is forwarded by Katie Boyle and covers the whole process of rehabilitation after the death of a partner. From the immediate practicalities of dealing with a funeral and organising household budgets, the book goes on to offer guidance on the longer, emotional challenges facing the bereaved.
The references to the actual funeral only form a very small part of the book but the rest of its contents make this a useful addition for funeral directors who offer books to their clients.